I was born in Texas and so I’m very familiar with the challenges of finding real dating advice for Asian males like myself. The obstacles that some (not all) of us face in USA’s dating market can be disheartening. Every year there is more and more scientific research and empirical studies that actually quantify the challenges Asian men encounter in dating. All you have to do is simply search “Dating advice for Asian males.”
How to Overcome Racism and Find Love: Dating Advice for Asian Males
Asian males are the least desired race among OkCupid users, according to a 2014 OkCupid research. Asian women are the most attractive of all the races on the other end of the spectrum. These kinds of research just serve to corroborate what a lot of us already know to be true: that there is a strong racial component to why we are not viewed favorably by other people.
Yet, I’m here to let you know there is still hope. I’ve coached thousands of Asian guys who were prepared to give up on dating altogether as an Asian Dating Coach. It’s important to keep in mind that we are distinctive individuals with a lot to give; we are not defined by our race. Regardless of race, dating can be a fulfilling and pleasurable experience with the appropriate attitude. The following dating advice for Asian males will assist you in overcoming prejudice and securing the love you deserve.
Racism in Dating is Not Just Your Problem
It’s important to understand that many individuals of all races struggle with dating before you make the mistake of thinking that your race is the only thing stopping you from finding love success. According to a 2018 research, 29% of Americans aged 19 to 30 reported having no sex in that year. This means that millions of men of all races— be he white, African American, Asian, or Hispanic—did not have intercourse in that year.
Numerous factors contribute to this, including the increase in young people living at home. The preference for staying in and binge-watching Netflix over going out and interacting with others. Male users of online dating sites only have a 4% probability of receiving a reply to their messages, and even then, it would take them an average of 18 communications to reach the 50% mark. It’s crucial to keep in mind that you’re not experiencing these difficulties alone.
Be Honest And Direct, Yet Nuanced, To Avoid the Friend Zone
Although being put into the “friend zone” can seem like a love death sentence, it is possible to get out of the friend zone. You must have sincere motives for doing so while also understanding how and why you got there in the first place.
It’s crucial to be upfront about your goals if you’ve been hanging out with a friend or acquaintance and you feel that there might be some sexual connection between you. Do not be hesitant to ask her out, but you should be nuanced about it.
If it’s a coworker or a subordinate at work, you have to be aware of the power dynamics at play. You want to suggest a social meetup that both changes the dynamic of the situation (you’re not study buddies at the library, you’re having drinks at a romantic lounge) while giving her the freedom to decline if she so chooses (and thereby you having the confidence to gracefully accept said rejection).
So you want to UPSALE a cool meetup and get a range of her availability.
You can say, “Hey Victoria, I just found the most amazing tapas place with the best cocktails. How does your weekend look?” is one example.
Gen Z American Women Are Different
Feminism has had a very strong impact on the dating culture of America. From being both more sexually open, but also that women now have more influence than ever before.
Women are given special consideration when creating dating applications, and bars have developed strategies to rescue women from perilous encounters. Women are now graduating college at higher rates and even making more money than American males, and this newfound equality is changing the rules of dating. Considering this is crucial when pursuing a love interest.
Be mindful of her wants and desires and treat her with respect. Always be upfront about your intentions and abstain from any conduct that might be construed as harassment.
The Main Takeaway: Be Confident and Be Yourself
Being self-assured and authentic is ultimately the secret to dating success. While it’s vital to be aware of the particular difficulties Asian men encounter when dating, it’s equally critical to understand that your uniqueness is your greatest strength. Let your actual self shine through and embrace your distinctive personality, interests, and passions.
In America, unlike some places in Asia perhaps, the males are expected to take the initiative to make the first approach, be it on dating apps or in real life. Leadership and confidence are placed at a much higher premium than traits like humility and silence. And so you want to express yourself and who you are more often and assert yourself, otherwise you’ll fall into the trap of being stereotyped.
And a key dating advice for Asian males is to keep in mind that dating is a numbers game here in the West. Rejection IS an inevitable part of the experience. Don’t view it as a negative experience, rather let it inform you as to what you perhaps did wrong and how you can do it better the next time.
Maybe your opening line was lame. Or your body language was wrong. It could be that your energy was off-putting. Or you had trouble telling an attractive story or hold an interesting conversation. Take that data point to improve yourself. Create a strong feeling of your own worth and resist letting other people determine your worth based on your race.
Above all, treat women with respect and dignity at all times. Refrain from reinforcing harmful preconceptions and make sure that racism and prejudice don’t interfere with how you interact with women. Spend some time learning about and appreciating their perspectives, and be prepared to take everything that you can away from them.
In the end, falling in love is all about making a genuine and meaningful connection with someone. You may increase your chances of obtaining the love and companionship you deserve. Be self-assured, genuine, and polite. So venture forth, be authentic, and don’t be scared to risk falling in love.
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