In 2020, Covid-19 forever changed the world especially if you were dating as an Asian man. During lockdowns, many people swarmed dating apps and online dating. Face-to-face interactions became nonexistent. Going on dates was out of the question. And we couldn’t even have sex or make love. Some romantic partners grew to fear touching one another with 63% of daters saying dating is much “harder” now than ever before.
The Challenges With COVID-19 And Dating
Now this isn’t intended to be a pity post. Nor is it specifically about how Asian men have it so hard. But facts are facts and this is the “Sex In The City For Asian Men Blog.”
The prevailing theory (at least in the West) is that this virus originated from China. And the reality is that most people painted all Asians with a broad brush and discriminated against us. When COVID-19 first broke out, people saw Asian men as walking diseases.
Covid-blaming racists verbally harassed, spat on, stalked and physically attacked Asian women and men around the world. Businesses and schools discriminated against Asians because the owners thought we carried the Covid disease. Now luckily as I’m writing this, things are getting better. But where we Asians had already faced discrimination before, but now we face brand new stereotypes because of COVID-19.
Take my coaches and my students for example. Even after a few months of everything opening up, clubs denied them entry because of their ethnicity for fear they were disease carriers. At one venue, my students had made a table reservation and security made them wait outside for hours while they “prepare the table.”
But there were two problems. One, they allowed all the non-Asians to enter without question. Two, my Asian students had to wait outside for hours and couldn’t enter at all.
Other patrons saw this going on and confronted management and security. They confirmed that, yes, it was because my students were Asian that they weren’t being allowed inside.
And these aren’t the only scenarios. Asian males still get weird looks from strangers when their romantic partner is a Latina, black or white woman. This is even more true for someone like me, interracially dating as a short Asian man.
Even before COVID-19, AMWF (Asian Men White Females) couples and other AMXF pairings are still quite uncommon and get weird looks and nasty whispers. To put it into perspective, only 9% of Asian male marriages are interracial compared to the whopping 22% of Asian females (AMWF marriages make up 70.9% of newlyweds, AMBW are 4.8%, and interestingly Asian men are marrying Hispanic women at a higher proportion of 17.7%).
This shows AMWF and AMXF were and continue to be uncommon. But during COVID-19, my students and I definitely noticed an increase in people being actively hostile to us when we were with our romantic partners.
But by far, the most visceral experience I could think of was an incident shortly after the Los Angeles quarantine lockdowns started to lift. I was on Hollywood Boulevard waiting for my then girlfriend to arrive in an Uber in when out of the corner of my eye, I saw an African American homeless man high on drugs charging at me with a blade in hand. Luckily her Uber was arriving at that exact moment and as she was opening the car door, I yelled at her, “GET BACK IN THE CAR! GET BACK IN NOW!”
She was shocked, but she did as I ordered. I jumped in after her, shut the car door and I told the driver to drive away. The homeless man started running at the car, blade still in hand, and the poor Uber driver was so confused. I told him that there was a man coming for us with a knife and he needed to drive NOW. So he drove away out of sight around the block and dropped us off where I could then talk to security.
These attacks and more are happening against Asians so I’ll explain how to deal with these kinds of situations later on. But for now, know that even in difficult times with the coronavirus there are ways to deal with this. And my job, as your Asian Dating Coach™, is to educate you so you’re aware of what they are. So that you can learn how to mitigate the harassment you’ll eventually receive, in all it’s forms, you might face as an Asian man (For perspective, there has been a 1,662% increase in online anti-Asian hate speech since 2019 when Covid-19 was first discovered).
Why Dating In General Is Hard For Asian Men
Even before COVID-19, dating was generally harder for (some) Asian-American men. I previously pointed out that Asian men’s dating problems are mostly derived from stereotypes, but they can be divided into four major points:
- Conservative standards
- Internalized self-racism
- Less positive body images
- “Racialized stereotypes of Asian American men as asexual and undesirable sexual partners“
Generally speaking, Asian men are raised with values which can put us at a dating disadvantage with potential romantic partners. There is the perception that we’re not taught to make the first move or take the lead. That we are taught to be submissive. And that we’re taught to always respect authority.
Through the lens of toxic masculinity in Western heteronormative society, these traits are considered “unmasculine” (as if ideals have a gender identity) and therefore work well for an Asian woman as those traits are considered gender-traditional in the Western world. Unfortunately, those “heteronormative” behaviors are female-assigned traits in American dating and don’t work well for the perception of Asian men’s dating prowess.
And that’s because American women expect men to take the lead. To make the first move. Whatever it may be. In fact, this is one of the main reasons why so many white women rated Asian men 12% less attractive than average and don’t consider us as romantic partners.
On top of that, Asian-American men have to contend with the media mocking us and our girlfriends. And with the active external discrimination, we internalize self-racism like a poison in our gut that creates a festering poor body imagery of ourselves. This makes our struggles as Asian males to find romantic partners as a multi-faceted obstacle course with both internal and external challenges.
And it is because of the complexity of our enemy, both inside and out, that will try to hold us back from our own happiness, that I created a multi-discipline approach, with both internal and external techniques, to help Asian men like YOU to rise up to the challenge and show the world how powerful we are. And this segues into my next point.
P.S. Online dating as an Asian man is far worse, although solvable, but that’s for a future pillar post.
How To Successfully Date As An Asian Man During COVID-19
Paradoxically, when all the quarantines and lockdowns lifted and I ventured out into the social venues like bars and clubs, I found women to actually be more sexually aggressive than I had ever witnessed. In fact, I was approached more times by women in the post-pandemic than my entire life dating as a short Asian man in America. The only other time I’ve been approached more is when I’m leading the EuroTour, which is the #1 Inner Game Experiential Event for Asian Men.
We had all become pandemic-puppies, men and women alike, both touch starved and starved of conversation. It seemed like after the lockdowns, many women were dying to interact with other men. Many times, they were so sick of hiding behind a screen and going on virtual dates. And on many occasions they even came up to me and introduced themselves. Something women would rarely do before.
And so 2022 saw the biggest changes in dating traditions since the invention of dating apps. Thus, a modern man needs to adjust with the changing times and so here are my 3 tips I learned first hand to dating in the time of the coronavirus.
1) To Mask or Not To Mask?
Depending on location, the laws of your area, and whatever public health conditions are ongoing, you may or may not have to wear masks. During the height of the coronavirus pandemic and lockdowns, from a dating and practical point of view, masks had obvious drawbacks like:
- It covers the other person’s facial expressions
- There can feel like something is missing in the interaction
- When wearing the same masks, it can be difficult to distinguish yourself from other men
- Basically masks have an Attraction Dampening effect
But like the Asian Dating Coach™ always says, “There are no obstacles, only opportunities to succeed.”
Instead of looking at masks (if you have to wear them) as a drawback, I took it as an opportunity to enhance my own, and my students’, fashion sense. With experimentation, here are the 3 types of masks we found to have worked the best :
- Cloth facemask with unique, colorful patterns
- Clear (plastic, acrylic) faceshield
- LED (lights) masks
The primary reason to wear one of these masks is to mitigate at least one of, if not all, the attraction dampening effects I just listed. But another reason is because most people would wear the standard blue surgical masks. And when you wear something even slightly different, you stand out and that makes women notice you more. Also, masks also give you the illusion of facial symmetry and pronounced jawline, in case if you’re like me and not the square jawed, handsome male model type.
My personal favorite is to (if I’m required to) wear a facemask with unique, colorful, attractive patterns on them. Honestly, it just becomes another fashion piece, or accessory, for you to enhance your aesthetic. Here I’m pictured with Van Gogh’s Starry Night mask, but I have many others including paintings and other attractive drawings. Much like a flashy tie or a colorful pocket square, an eye catching facemask can enhance your aesthetic.
There are tons of different designs for cloth masks ranging from the cool to the shockingly weird. And those work well because it attracts like-minded people to you and it gives them an excuse to start a conversation with you. You can purchase mine here (affiliate link).
Next are the clear masks, the other person can see your facial expressions. The other person can see how you’re reacting. And the other person will feel like the conversation is more 3-dimensional. And a bonus? It stands out because few people wear clear masks.
You get the best of both worlds in that you conform to public health measures, you stand out, and people can clearly tell your emotions so you’ll be able to communicate more effectively. You can purchase a clear faceshield here (affiliate link).
Now onto the last one which is masks with LEDs. The advantage for using these masks is that it is perfect for night game. While the other two types of masks are unique, the dark could negate their benefits. People will not be able to see facial expressions through the dark clearly. And people will find it difficult to see the cloth masks in the dark which therefore, means they won’t be able to see the unique patterns.
But LED masks glow in the dark and again, it’s unique. It draws a lot of attention from others. You can also get creative with them ranging from full masks with lights to programable lights so you can write a message or make a smile. And it gives the perfect excuse for others to break the ice (so to speak) with you. You can purchase a LED mask here (affiliate link).
Ok, so you’re probably wondering which one do I recommend most dating as an Asian man? Depending upon local public health guidelines and condition, my recommendation is to just own all three. From there, you have the option of what kind of venues and people you want to meet instead of being limited.
For example, if you’re going to a bar at night, then the LED mask is going to be the best bet. If you’re doing daygame in a shopping center or park, the cloth one will do. And if you’re going on a date with someone, the clear mask or colorful mask are good options.
Of course, there’s no definitive answer as your local public health guidelines will vary and so it’s ultimately all up to you. And it all depends on region’s laws plus what you’re trying to accomplish.
2) No Physical Contact
The coronavirus introduced social distancing and lockdown enforced it. And while people are going about their lives (for now), some people’s expectations of actual physical distance and touch have changed. And so when social norms change, the discerning gentleman must also learn to adjust as appropriate.
So every woman you approach is going to be different, although generally if they’re out at night they most likely have a higher social threshold. But you will still have to adjust for women who are (rightfully) concerned about their health and might not want to touch you. They might not want to interact with you. They might not want to be with you for fear of getting infected. That’s totally cool.
But some women are going to have a more laid back attitude about this. They won’t mind you touching her. They might want to interact with you. And they might not have fears about getting infected. That’s totally cool too. Of course, all this is out of your control. You can’t change a woman’s mindset (unless she wants to). But you can change her mood and that’s in your control.
So this goes back to the basics of attraction. Have fun. Be present. Be funny. Express your interest. Make jokes. Get to know her. The exact same things you would do to attract women even before the pandemic. The only difference now is to keep in mind safety precautions (e.g., wear a mask, keep your distance). Respect her boundaries when it comes to physical contact during COVID-19. All that stuff.
Here’s an insanely effective icebreaker I invented called the Pandemic Opener: “Hi! Is it hands, fist or elbows?”
YOU: “Do we still shake hands? Do we elbow touch? Or do we fist bump?”
HER: [Light dawns as she realizes what you’re referring to]
YOU: “I just don’t know what the new normal is!”
This works well because the pandemic and social isolation was such a universal experience that every woman you talk to will have SOME opinion on that. You don’t have to explain it, they’ll get what you’re referring to.
And MOST importantly, her RESPONSE will give YOU information as to how you should calibrate your interaction with her. If she replies she doesn’t even hug her family, that tells you that you should avoid touching at all costs. But if she’s completely receptive to touching like normal pre-pandemic, then that tells you that (consensually) touching her in a platonic fashion is completely acceptable.
BAM. You’ve approached her, made her laugh, gotten some much needed information, and now you know her comfort level to physical touching. Approaching and dating as an Asian man has never been easier.
Depending on when and where you’re reading this, the rules about vaccinations may vary. But know that for now and many months (even years) to come, accessing many venues requires a vaccination passport. We’re not here to turn this into an argument, but those who are vaccinated against Covid-19 are going to have more opportunities to meet women and take them out on dates. And while there are those who have elected to not get vaccinated, the huge advantage lies with Asian American men who are vaccinated at an 85% rate.
So if you’re a single Asian man, you can approach women everywhere. On the street. In shopping centers. On the beach. Anywhere. And if you want to go on dates, you can have coffee dates. You can go for a walk in the evening. You can get lunch together. Go to restaurants or theme parks. The world is your oyster when you’re healthy and vaccinated.
The BIGGEST bonus for being vaccinated is that you can TRAVEL THE WORLD!
People who are unvaccinated won’t be allowed entry into other countries and you might even be blocked from entering the USA without special preparations. With a vaccine passport, you can meet beautiful women around the world and not be locked down in one country. You could go on the LatinTour, the Great Romancing Adventure, or the EuroTour, the #1 Inner Game Experential Event For Asian Men.
PUBLIC SAFETY WARNING: You know how I told you about the incident where a homeless man who attacked me with a blade? The pandemic caused an insane rise in anti-Asian hate crimes.
This means YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS.
This is something you should always do anyway but especially during times like these. You need to be extra vigilant. You want to stay in well lit places as much as possible. You want to be somewhere public with people are around.
You have to be DOUBLY AWARE when you’re with a woman, especially if your romantic partner is a Latina, white, or black woman. You’ll be attract more attention and it’s YOUR responsibility a a man to be the protector and to be vigilant for danger.
Now of course, doing all this isn’t going to completely eliminate the risk. But it will reduce your chances of something happening to you. Stay frosty and keep your head on a swivel, gentlemen.
Once The Coronavirus Pandemic Is Over, What’s Next?
COVID-19 is something we have to live with, but at least the severity of it has been reduced significantly. Of course, there are new variants emerging as we speak. There are new diseases and something like Ebol-AIDs, Covid-HIV, or Monkeypox could hit the United States. Up until the modern world, we had been lucky avoiding major diseases since polio and measles, but those halcyon days are over.
But regardless of what new variant there is, it doesn’t matter. If we’re made to wear masks again. If there are protocols we have to abide by. And if something like this happens again, you’ll be well equipped. You’ll know how to follow the health rules and know how to attract women women while dating as an Asian man. You’ll know how to deal with racism thrown your way. And you’ll know what to do if people want to attack you.
Eventually these restrictions will completely ease and dating will return to normal. But anything can happen so it’s best to be prepared.
Tips On Dating Normally Again
In the end, realize when you get all the basics like confidence and self-esteem, you’ll always have an advantage when it comes to attracting women. Regardless of what’s happening around the world. Regardless of how the dynamics of dating change. Regardless of what protocols there are. Yes, you’ll have to make subtle changes. Yes, you’ll have to work around rules at times. And yes you’ll have to adapt to circumstances.
But the fundamentals of attraction will always be the same. And when you do things like:
- List out your insecurities and work through them
- Work on your body language and approach women in real life with a coach guiding you and mentoring you
- Work on your conversational skills
- Work on listing all your positive traits and not letting negative stereotypes get to you
- The list goes on
It will all stick with you for life. You’ll go from having the worst dating history possible, to being able to attract women on auto-pilot. You’ll be able to go from being part of the 60% of young Asian males in grades 7 to 12 have never dated (as compared to roughly 40% of White, Black or Hispanic males), to being able to fill your calendar with dates.
But in nutshell, you’ll be that confident guy who women crave.
Dating As An Asian Man Is Easier Than You Think
I don’t want all the negative prejudice about Asian males affecting you. I don’t want it to hold you back from achieving your dream dating life. Yes. Asian men are twice as likely (35%) to be single than Asian women (18%). Yes, online dating as an Asian man is still tough.
We do have to overcome more obstacles like racism and discrimination. We do have to overcome many stereotypes. But here’s the thing. As long as you take consistent action. As long as you keep practicing talking to women and attracting them. And as long as you have an Asian Dating Coach who will show you the way, holding you accountable, you’ll always win.
In a few months time, chances are you won’t even recognize yourself. You will overcome all the barriers that were holding you back from achieving your dream dating life. You will be confident without having to ‘fake it until you make it’.
You’ll know exactly how to talk to women and attract them (And this applies to every type of woman. White women. Latinas. Black women. Or an Asian woman). And if you do it for long enough, you’ll internalize it to the point that it’s second nature to you.
So if you want to learn more, click on this page. If you’re willing to take on this challenge, prepare to fill your calendar with dates. Prepare to be a top 5% man who has an abundance mindset with women. And prepare to have women wanting to take you out on dates.
Anything can happen if you have a coach showing you the way. And anything can happen if you take the right action consistently. So again, click on this page to see if this is for you.